Model Agency 411

The day wasn’t going well already. You know how it is, you wake up in the morning with that migraine or the pounding headache in the back of your head. The kids are up at the crack of dawn (literally) and they keep coming into the bedroom to “help you” wake up. You fumble your way down stairs to a screaming chorus of, “Daddy, she won’t quit looking at me!” And then you have the old reliable “Hey! That’s my stuff!” And what are those comments without Back-up Plan ‘B’: “Hey! That’s my spot!” was bellowed out as the kids fought over the fluffy pillow in my office while watching Little House on the Prairie.

Now don’t get me wrong, my kids are great and I love them with all my heart but they do have their days.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes as I fixed my morning lifeline, a steaming cup of Joe (which was destined to be spilled all over my desktop, keyboard and carpet!). After cleaning up the mess, I headed back into the kitchen but stopped half way there to remove the tiny doll shoe embedded in the bottom of my bare foot. The kids were at it again. That was it! I was at the boiling point and I could not tolerate this any longer!

I limped into the kitchen and there they were…lined up like little soldiers waiting to be disciplined. They looked as if they longed for, no, were begging for the stern discipline that they had coming…the bag of flour, the sugar bowl, and the salt shaker.

I threw the ingredients together in a powdery fury to the chorus of a clanking, ceramic bowl. There it was. The sun peeked through the partially drawn shades in the kitchen, gently embracing the soft, pale contents of the mixing bowl. The dough stared back at me, yearning to be thrown, rolled and disciplined.

I picked up the gooey substance and slammed it on the countertop! Pounding, pushing, pulling and kneading until it begged me for the rolling pin. I glanced at the built-in drawer under the oven and quickly produced a rolling pin. Without mercy I rolled, bunched up, and rolled again until the dough cried out, “I’ve had enough!”

For the ‘Coupe de Gras’, I placed the submissive heap in a bread pan and threw it into the oven. “There now”, I said to the unbaked loaf. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Forty-five minutes later I was rewarded with a delicious, toasted aroma that crept through the house like fog on a cool morning. Peace at last. The stress was gone. I felt great.

About the Author

Terry Stokely is a twenty-five year veteran of the baking industry. After being permenantly laid off in December of 2004, he enjoys spending time with his family and promoting his new ebook Home Baked Goodness with Bread, Rolls and Muffins. The new ebook, which he co-authored with his wife Dawn, can be found at http://www.homebakedfavorites.com

Another good citizen comes to the aid of the uninformed public. After years of eating Oreos, and enjoying them tremendously, somebody put on a pound or two. Who’s to blame? You know somebody is to blame. It couldn’t be the fault of the user. Did she exercise? Did she walk? Did she do her housework? No, she sat in front of her T.V. and ate Oreos.

When she realized she had gotten a little pudgy around the middle, she didn’t like it. She complained to a lawyer friend. The lawyer friend listened to her crying about being fat and did his best to assure her she was still beautiful. To make her feel better, he got them both glasses of milk and took a fresh bag of Oreos from her cabinet.

Making themselves comfortable at the kitchen table, they continued to dip the cookies and argue whether she was fat or not. For hours. Finally, to shut her up, he said he would find the cause. He absolutely knew it wasn’t her fault and he told her so.

And what did he discover while reading the ingredient list on the side of the bag? It’s the fault of Oreos! There is fat in the white filling! Shazam! Who would’ve thunk it? I wonder which college he went to? He was amazing! Now, another American icon is about to be erased.

Dads will not be able to show their sons how to twist off the top cookie carefully so they can lick the filling off. Little brothers will no longer be able to dip their Oreo into their big brother’s glass of milk, and enjoy a bit of brotherly camaraderie before being pushed away roughly. What will mothers put in the lunch boxes? Will we be able to carry one more straw of added stress in our daily lives?

In the years to come, someone will remember Oreos lovingly, and the children will say, “What the heck is an Oreo?”

Or beg, “Tell us about the old days, Daddy, when you use to eat Oreos.” Fathers will sigh sadly, and brush a tear away.

People are going to start hoarding them, just wait and see. The neighbor across the street just put a padlock on his freezer in his garage. I just know he has Oreos in there.

On Halloween, Oreo came out with orange filling. (I wonder if it was to get rid of the white filling that had the fat in it? Hey, it works for me.) They also have double chocolate. A cookie with chocolate filling. Oh, they probably have a lot of new ideas in their secret files. Now, what will they do if they are shut down?

People will lose their jobs. Nabisco will go bankrupt. It’s a real shame, but will the good citizen, with the over zealous lawyer, care? No. She knows her duty. Her concern is over the rest of us getting fat. She is looking out for us that are too ignorant to know there is fat in the filling. Anyone out there who didn’t already know this? Anyone?

I like fat. It keeps my hair shiny and my skin soft. Doing
without a bit of fat turns you into a dried up prune with straw for hair. I’d rather be round, myself.

Oreos are the cookies of distinction. You don’t just buy chocolate cookies. You must buy Oreos. When you bring the kids in for milk and cookies, their ears hear “milk and Oreos!” Can any other cookie put that ring of chocolate around a child’s mouth so sweetly? I don’t think so.

If this can be done to the King of cookies, what’s next? Ice Cream? Reese’s minis? The Golden Arches? It’s time for people to revolt. Stand up for your right to eat Oreos! In the meantime, run and grab all you can before they’re gone!

Update! May 17, 2003

The suit has been dropped. Wow! People can stand up and be revolting - it works! Kids can keep enjoying their Oreos, and mom and dad will not have to freeze them or hide them from the neighbors.

I wonder what else is on the Endangered Food List?

Harriet is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/
which is a site for Creative Writing.Her portfolio can be found at http://www.Writing.Com/authors/storytime.